I personally don't watch Parks and Recreation, but the internet tells me that it has either come to a season or series end. The big climax of the show was Ben and Leslie's wedding (spoiler alert?) Mashable.com had a feature about this episode's wedding album, that they delightfully placed on Pinterest, as if it were a real wedding of a rich stranger. Here are some snaps:
TV shows and real life are intertwining ever so much more in these new normal days of modern families and offices. HOW CUTE IS THIS!?
The second greatest day for commercial advertisers draws near - the Oscars. It attracts a whole different viewership than the Super Bowl, but the adspace is still ridiculously expensive, at 1.7 million per 30 seconds. "But what does this have to do with mustard!?" said No One. Well, it looks like a commercial is going to finish what it started 30 years ago. Here's the 1981 version of the Grey Poupon commercial:
Super boring but very 80's, right? Well here's the Trailer(!!!) for the 2013 version:
Since when do commercials have trailers? Since they started making them as epic as this one. It looks like a James Bond movie. Apparently the full version is going to be 2 minutes long, and if my basic maths are correct, it's going to cost them 6.8 million dollars to air! And that's not counting the production value. This Grey Poupon-aganza leaves me with many questions, namely, where is Grey Poupon getting like 10 million dollars from? Did they not air a commercial since the 1981 version? Are commercials going to be the next movies? Are movies going to be the next commercials? Is grey poupon a brand or a flavour of mustard? It really makes sense that they would air this whopper during the day-long programming of the Oscars for it's Skyfall-esqueness. He he he... "poupon". There's a countdown to the full commercial on their website, which is also a convenient countdown to the Oscars, in case you forgot that they're this Sunday. Go Zero Dark Thrity! Who do you want to see take home a little golden man?
Oh the olden days! How horrible you were to the ladies.
HOWEVER, I live for the woodcut inspired illustrations that someone drew all over your advertisements. It's basically a work of art. Here's another gem:
Old soap ads are notorious for being extremely racist and sexist, stay tuned for a feature on the racism that was absolutely rampant in old soap print ads. I think I wrote a 12-page paper about it in University. Palmolive is obviously still around today, but their ads are less than inspiring.
A company called Berrge Tattoo finally found a way to put those pesky QR Codes to good use. To access the application form to work for them you have to colour in the outline.
Last weekend was the Super Bowl, where guys ran into each other and Beyonce made weird faces with her backup dancers, Destiny's Child.
It's also the Mecca of commercials. The Super Bowl is basically the only time you can be guaranteed huge viewership now that M.A.S.H is cancelled. Companies spend millions both to get a spot and on production, and they turn out some gems like:
This one
Or one with a horse that's guaranteed tears
The tears flow like a river.
Yeah, you get the point, you have YouTubes.
Be here at the Milk Bar we like to (milk) shake things up a bit (not really). I figured instead of giving you a list of all these commercials, I'd like to congratulate a special someone on her commercial debut.
I'm talking about cold-pop loving, no-time-having, bronchitis-suffering Sweet Brown.
Here she is appearing in a commercial about selling homes with the whitest lady ever. Also, the quality makes it look like it was filmed in the 80's, but it wasn't unless Sweet Brown is a time traveller.
And one about her getting a toothache. Wonder if this place paid her in gold teeth?
1) Old people, lots of them. I guess it’s
because we were there on a Monday at 10 in the morning, and pretty much
everyone else has somewhere to be at that time, except for the geriatrics. The
stranger thing was that most of them didn’t venture into the furniture part of
the store; they mostly just stayed around the restaurant portion (which was
also quite large and apparently called IKEA Bistro). Not sure how all of them
made it there, maybe there are shuttle busses coming in from retirement homes?
2) The Prices. Everything was super cheap.
My breakfast cost $3 and you could buy a full real cow hide there for $299,
which Kristin Pauls assured me is a steal of a deal. I hear that IKEA is about
quantity over quality and I suppose that shows in their prices.
3) Following the Yellow Point Road. They
had the store laid out in such a way that you have to follow a specific path
throughout the whole thing. First you enter and then you have to go upstairs in
by the restaurant, or if you’re skipping that you get into fully assembled
living rooms, then dining rooms, kitchens, work spaces, and then bedrooms.
This, I am told, is perfectly calculated to put you in the buying mood. Once
you’re all finished with the full rooms, you go into a whole floor of nick-nacs
with which to adorn said rooms. Again, everything here is super cheap. It’s
hard to tell if other people are buying stuff though, because most people don’t
actually fill up carts like you would in other stores, you write down the codes
of the things you want and grab them from…
5) The surprises! Every
cabinet was filled with whisks and pretend spices, every kid’s room came
complete with a stuffed bear tea party. I even saw that the bedroom storage
closets (which light up when you open them) had Value Village clothes in them.
I was tempted to buy one of the dresses I saw but, again, couldn’t figure out
how to do so. I guess the IKEA gods do this to make you picture the closet at
you would in your home- filled with crap! There’s something about a pristine
and empty piece of cabinetry that just makes me feel sad, but when it’s filled
with my stuff I feel pure joy.
6) The sausage tasted like the
meatballs. Yes, I ate there for
breakfast and lunch. Both set me back a whopping $10, but now I realize how
they can afford to charge so little: using the same beef/pork/whatever medley
but preparing it in different shapes. Oh IKEA Bistro, you so sneaky.
7) The secrets. We asked the
manager of the lighting department a few Streeter-esque questions, what it was
like to work there, who shops there, etc. He told us that he wasn’t allowed to
answer any of “those kinds of questions”. We then asked him if it was fun
working there and he said “Yes.” mechanically with absolutely no emotion in his
eyes. What are they not telling us? Oh, and apparently every micro-section has its
own manager, which is great for jobs so “Thanks IKEA!”
8) The spelling. WHY IS
EVERYTHING CAPITALIZED IKEA?! ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME OR DID YOU LEAVE YOUR
KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK BY ACCIDENT? Does calling a filing cabinet ERIK make
it sound more exciting and exotic?
This guy wrote a song about it called the IKEA song:
The copy reads "Forget your Italian racers. This little babe-magnet is the Daihatsu Hyet MPV. Don't laugh. It packs in six comfortable seats, all of them reclining. A five speed gear box. Two sun roofs when things get hot. And even a 3 year/60,000 mile warranty of guaranteed staying power. But what really makes the Hyet MPV so attractive? The £167,503 change from a Lamborghini of course. Our price is just £8,497 on the road. For more information call us on 0800 521 700." Oh those British and their dry wit!
