Hello Boils and Ghouls,
It's that time of the year again... The best holiday of all time, forever:
HALLOWEEN!
T'is the wonderful time when you can dress up like anyone, or anything, you like.
Do you have a penchant for farming? Go as a farm!
You got a thing for douching? Easy!
Hate your dog? Shove it in a costume!
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| The life of the party. |
But, fellow readers, do you notice a pattern here?
All of the costumes pictured before you are worn by dudes. (Not sure if the dog is a dude but just go with it)
When it comes to lady costumes, for SOME UNKNOWN REASON we are shafted to wearing the stupidest, sluttiest, cheapest excuses of poorly made plastic crap. I feel bad for the slaves in whichever country these articles are mass-produced, but also for the ladies out there who buy 'em. And I know you're out there, because every year every store is chock-full of these plastic abominations. You've seen 'em, they look like this:
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| I guarantee, no matter where you go, you'll see a sexy referee. |
The worst part is that these costumes are selling like hotcakes at Party Stuff for $60+
It chills me to the core.
For $60, you can go insane at Dollarama and come up with the greatest costume the world has ever seen. H-Ween in the one time a year where you can dress up like a metaphor and only get guffaws in return, and yet time and time again the clubs are bursting at the seams with
"sexy Big Bird"
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| I wish I was making this up. |
Or even "sexy baby"
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| Leave my infancy alone, sluts! |
So ladies, this year I beg you. Ignore the "Slut Rule" that exists only on Halloween, whereby a lady can venture out and about in the chilly October winds wearing only lingerie and bunny ears, but it flies because t'is the season.
SO if you are gonna go the whorey route, do it with style and pizzaz!
Go as a hilarious pregnant nun
It shows everyone how funny and daring you are,
OR you can go the slutty/nerdy route. If you combine a whorey costume with a nerdy theme, the whoreyness is instantly reduced tenfold!
Just think about it.
You've still got time ladies.
Happy Halloweenin!
We live in a sad, sad world.
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