Tuesday, 5 November 2013

A Cover Letter for Under the Covers

As my last post mentioned, I'm desperately seeking employment, as are most of the people I know these days. 

I have a couple of interviews lined up this week for writing positions, which is interesting to me because, despite 5 years education and a paper trail a mile long, I still don't consider myself to be much of a writer. I have a style that I stick to, but I think it's perfect for the current blog writing marketplace. 

Blogs are, for the most part, supposed to be fun and easy to digest, unlike dairy. Dairy is my proverbial bull and I am the china shop. If you're looking for heavy and lengthy there's tons of sites for that too, but I like the fun ones like Buzzfeed and Cracked

I recently applied for a position at my dream company, Sid Lee, again. I've probably applied there like five times in five different ways, so this time I got really creative. 

Sid Lee Montreal
75 Queen St, Montreal, QC H3C 2N6

Re: Position

My dearest Sid Lee,

I’ve watched you from afar for a while now. You don’t know me, but I know you. I’ve seen you grow from a tiny Montreal company, to a worldwide powerhouse, coveted by everyone. You’ve filled out very nicely in the last 20 years.

Word around town is that you’re in bed with Absolut now. That’s great, honestly. I’m happy when you’re happy. I’ll be the first one to say how nice Absolut is and everything (http://coco-moloko.blogspot.ca/2012/10/absolut-spotlight.html), but I can’t help but think that you’d be happier with me instead.

Hear me out baby I got what it takes to treat you right. I have a Diploma and a Degree in Communications with a major in Advertising. In University I learned how to write well. They called me the cunningist linguist in the class, something you can experience first-hand if you call me up, don’t be shy. In College I experimented with Creative Suite, which was as soft as a Cloud but was way too expensive. I don’t mean to be vulgar, Sid, but Adobe taught me how to do things with my hands that I never thought I could possibly do. Give me a chance to show you what I can do with these hands and this mind.

I wrote you a love song. Did you see it? I know I’m not the best singer, but you are my muse. Was I coming on too strong? Too many euphemisms? You can call me a pig Sid, but weren’t you always the one to say "A pig is a filthy animal, but a pig has personality, which goes a long way." Listen to my song babe, if there’s one thing I’m not lacking, its personality.

I just don’t know what I need to do to get your attention. I feel like you’re the most popular one in school, and you don’t even know I exist. That’s why I’m writing you this note, because if Breakfast Club taught me anything (which it didn’t) it’s that you should always try. I got all the qualities you’re looking for; I’m organized, a good team player, and I’m a great listener. I’ll come to your window and blast my love song out of a raised boombox, Say Anything style, just as soon as I can track down a working boombox.

Please Sid, call me so we can talk about this. My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX, and my email is XXXXX@XXXX.COM. I’ll wait by the phone every day for your call.

Love,

MY NAME
Do you think I'm gonna get the job?

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